Not Again!
by Danalas the Lady Chaos
Summary: PG to be safe. Uh oh! The Terrible Trio of LeAnn, Emerald, and Koni have been into the peach wine again! Poor J!


The J-Man Wears A Sock

Disclaimer:Frank Sinatra owns the song Lady Is A Tramp. I'm just borrowing the tune and changing the lyrics. Same with Don't Let Me Get Me, which is owned by Pink. I also don't own Jareth. The sock rumor, of course, belongs to the world, I own myself, Emmy owns herself, and Koni owns herself!

Things were quiet. Things were TOO quiet in the Underground, Jareth decided. The goblins were being quiet. The chickens were quiet. And the Goblin King hadn't heard a single word about that damned sock in over a week. Not that he really wore a sock, of course. But still, the Listians kept the rumor alive, and with it went all his dignity whenever someone mentioned it. But nothing of it had been mentioned lately. Had they finally given up on it? _Not very bloody likely_ Jareth thought to himself. Still, he'd enjoy the silence while he could. Little did he know that the terrible trio of LeAnn, Emmy, and Koni were about to get into the peach wine again. Had Jareth known, he'd have left the Underground until it was over. But he didn't, so he was there when the Trio came to serenade once again.

LeAnn had grabbed Koni, and the two of them had popped into Emerald's house. "Hiya, Twin!" Koni called out. "Hey, Emmy," LeAnn said, a rather evil grin on her face. Emerald turned around. "Hello Twin, LeAnn. What are you two up to?" she asked. Then she noticed the large bottle LeAnn was carrying. It looked suspiciously like-

"Oh no! Not more peach wine!" she exclaimed. "You two remember what happened last time we got drunk! We serenaded His Glitterness with bad Christmas Carols, and we ended up with hangovers, intensified by J! We do NOT need to do that again." she said, backing away. 

"Ah, c'mon, Twin!" Koni said. "It'll be fun!" LeAnn nodded enthusiasticaly in agreement. "Besides, Uncle Puck helped me enchant the peach wine. Instead of getting drunk and getting hangovers tomorrow morning, we're gonna end up on stage in pretty costumes and Uncle J won't remember a thing! He can't punish us if he doesn't remember what he did!"

"Oh, alright," Emerald said, rolling her eyes. "Great Goddess, I can't believe I'm letting myself get dragged into another one of LeAnn's ideas," she said, as the aforementioned troublemaker poured them each large glasses of peach wine. The Trio drank their wine quickly, Koni and LeAnn out of anticipation, and Emerald simply hoping she WOULD get drunk, and so much so SHE wouldn't remember this, either.

As the illusion from the wine took over, the girls found themselves on stage in white glittery costumes that looked like corsets with long half skirts in the back. LeAnn and Koni giggled while Emerald rolled her eyes. "Don't worry, Emmy," LeAnn said. "I've already written up the words, and they're gonna be on the back wall. Uncle J should be here soon...." she said. As if on cue, a chair came up out of the floor, holding Jareth, who was tied down so he couldn't escape.

"Talk about your captive audience," Koni said, giggling again as the Trio each grabbed a microphone and the music started.

They started singing together, Emmy keeping one nervous eye on the lyrics on the back wall behind Jareth.

His package is too small to be seen in his tightest of tights  
He's too inadequate to give pleasure to the ladies at night  
And it's that area about which most Listian's fight  
That's why the J-Man wears a sock.

He scares the goblins, yelling 'til his voice goes hoarse  
He wants to believe that he's really hung like a horse  
But it's just a tiny one as a matter of course  
That's why the J-Man wears a sock

He loves those tight green tights that he wears every day  
Showing off his are-ay  
It's small but it's okay!

Sittin' sideways on his throne, bored and singin' none-stop  
That is why the J-Man wears a sock!

Throughout the song, Jareth's eyes grew wider and wider in horror. He couldn't believe they were doing this. He knew it had been too quiet lately. Leave it to the Terrible Trio to come up with something like this.

By now, though, Emmy was getting more into it, and the peach wine was starting to take over as the girls got more creative.

LeAnn:How small is that package ladies?  
Emmy and Koni:Too small to be seen in his tightest tights!  
LeAnn:And he's so inadequate!  
Emmy and Koni:He can't pleasure HIMSELF most nights!  
All:It's about that one area that most Listians fi-ight!  
That is why the J-Man wears a sock!

The girls were giggling now, and, ignoring their lone captive audience, began to dance drunkenly as they sang. Jareth was getting mad, though, and starting to loosen himself from his bonds.

LeAnn:He scares those goblins, yelling 'til his voice is hoarse!  
Emmy:Yellin' and yellin', all 'cause he ain't hung like a horse!  
Koni:But that's what he believes as a matter of course!  
All:THAT'S WHY THE J-MAN WEARS A SOCK!

LeAnn:He loves those tight  
Emmy and Koni:Tight  
LeAnn:Green  
Emmy and Koni:Green  
LeAnn:Tights that he wears every day  
Emmy:Showing off his are-ay  
Koni:It's small but it's o-kay!

All:Sittin' sideways on his throne, bored and singin' non-stop!  
LeAnn:And he's singin' badly!  
All:That is why the J-Man  
That is why the J-Man  
That is why the J-Man wears a sock!

By this time, of course, Jareth had finally gotten loose, unnoticed by the Trio on stage in front of him, and had gotten out a rather nice crystal, throwing it at them, sending them to hang head first over the Bog.

"Great merciful Goddess, LeAnn, what have you gotten us into now?" Emmy asked. "Looks like we're hangin' over the Bog yet again, my friends," Koni said. LeAnn just giggled. "Oooo.....I know a song for this occasion...." she said, grinning.

"Oh no! No more singing!" Emmy objected. "Relax, Twin-chan," Koni said. "We may as well let her sing. Things can't get any worse." "NO!" Emmy exclaimed. "Don't say that! That's the ultimate jinx to make sure things DO get worse!" LeAnn shook her head. "Noooo....the M-word is the ultimate jinx..." An avid belief in superstitions, especially those of the theater, LeAnn was trembling and twitching just thinking about it.

"M-word?" Emmy asked. "What's the M-word?" "The....the Scottish Play....." LeAnn answered softly. "You mean...McBe-" Koni started, an evil gleam in her eye. But LeAnn silenced her with one hand over her mouth. "Don't say that!" she said. "If you say that, everything that can go wrong will go wrong!" She sighed. Emmy shook her head. "Nevermind. Let's just find away to get outta here. I feel like my own worst enemy right now," she said.

"There! That! That's exactly what I was thinking of when I said I knew a song for this occasion!" LeAnn exclaimed. Koni snickered. "Sounds like every high-profile Listian's theme-song," she said. LeAnn nodded as well as she could upside down. "Yup. That's what I sub-titled it. Real title is Don't Let J Get Me. Is to the tune of Don't Let Me Get Me by Pink." Emmy raised an eyebrow. "Is to the tune of instead of it is or it's? I think you've been around Aunty Norma too long, LeAnn." The other woman just shrugged before she started singing.

"I like fan-fics, but I don't just read them," she sang as Emmy rolled her eyes. "I like to write them and support the sock rumor," she continued. "Jareth hates me. But Puck supports me. I always end up in the Bog 'cause I can't stop writing.

Every day I wonder if it's a sock or not. I can't leave it alone though it causes me trouble

I'm a hazard to myself. Don't let J get me. I'm my own worst enemy. It's so bad when you annoy Jareth. His Royal Tightness. Don't wanna go to the Bog no more, I wanna keep on smellin' nice. I wanna keep on smellin' nice oh yeah."

Emmy rolled her eyes again. "Oh dear Goddess..." she said as Koni started in on the new song as well.

"Jareth told me," Koni sang, "'You've gone too far. You need to stop writing about that damn rumour.'" Then, deciding the damage was already done, Emmy joined in. "Tired of hangin' upside down over the Bog. It smells so bad. It's not my fave place. Doctor doctor won't you please prescribe me somethin'. A day in the life of someone else."

Koni and LeAnn grinned, glad their friend had finally joined in. All three went into the chorus.

"Cuz I'm a hazard to myself. Don't let J get me. I'm my own worst enemy. It's so bad when you annoy Jareth. His Royal Tightness. Don't wanna go to the Bog no more. I wanna keep on smellin' nice. Doctor Doctor won't you please prescribe me somethin'. A day in the life of someone else. Dont' let J get me. Don't let J get me. I'm my own worst enemy. It's bad when you annoy Jareth. His Royal Tightness. Don't wanna go to the Bog no more. I wanna keep on smellin' nice."

Finally, the peach wine began wearing off, and the Trio dissappeared from the Bog, returning to Emerald's living room. Unfortunately, there was a crystal sitting on top of a note on the coffee table. They all knew who it was from. Emerald picked it up and read cautiously.

_To LeAnn, Emerald, and Koni,_

You three really are hazards to yourselves. You need to be more careful about the spells you cast. Unfortunately for you, Puck forgot to make sure I'd forget about this little ordeal. I'd suggest that the three of you are more careful in the future about what you write, or else you'll be swimming in the Bog, and not just suspended over it.

Jareth, King of the Goblins and Lord Protector of the Underground.

PS. I suggest each of you keep a crystal as a reminder of your little adventure.

"Each keep a crystal? What's he talkin' about?" Koni asked. "There was only one." The three of them looked back to the crystal on the coffee table, and sure enough there were now three, one dark green for Emerald, one violet for Emmy, and one blue for LeAnn. They each took theirs reluctantly. "I guess we'd better watch ourselves," LeAnn said. Emerald and Koni nodded before LeAnn got a mischievious glint in her eyes. "But of course," she continued, "what Uncle J doesn't know can't hurt us," she said, grinning.

Emerald nodded. "Who's idea was this, anyway?" she asked. Koni sheepishly raised her hand. "My fault, I guess. I'm the one that asked LeAnn what could be more fun than drunkenly serenading Jareth with Labyfied Christmas carols." LeAnn laughed. "You have to admit this WAS fun," she said. "Yeah," the other two agreed. "It was." So, the Terrible Trio began planning their next adventure in annoying Jareth.

_Finis._


End file.
